Well I am feeling a little better than the last time that I wrote, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult. I feel like I just can’t wrap my head around certain things in the office. I know that I need to be stronger mentally because some of the catty bullshit is just getting to me.
My boss is back in town and even after I told him that by him being in the office it creates a very high anxiety level he still comes in and entertains the bullshit complaining. What it honestly feels like is that he needs his ego stroked and it is at my and the other leadership team members expense. I mean really you don’t see even after I have told you twice what this does to the office. You win, you are in charge now let us continue doing the things that we need to do and let it go.
I have to learn to let it go and get back to not really caring much about other people and that is actually very hard for me. I mean shit I just spent the last four days making 56.5 dozen cookies and honestly I am not even done with things because I still have about another 6-8 cookies boxes/bags to make.
I haven’t been all that in the holiday spirit, I have been trying, I have been trying really really hard. I watch a christmas movie a night, I light my holiday scented candles, I sit and work with only the tree lights on but nothing seems to be working. I am so overwhelmed with work that it has gotten in the way of even being excited to go see my sister, or that Christmas is a week away. I mean you all know me fairly well at this point and I don’t even have my shopping done yet. I am just not into it!
I have glimpses every once and a while of the spirit like today when I was busted singing who spiked the eggnog while waiting in traffic, or on Sunday when I delivered cookie packages to certain groups of people. But the excited feeling just isn’t there! I am guessing that some of that is because I am tired of always doing things for people and never getting a Thanks or a shit that made my day back. I think to myself god wouldn’t it be nice if I came home some afternoon and there was someone sitting in my house that just asked me about my day and said let me do this for you to make it better – even if this is just a hug!
I mean I know I am single by choice (for the most part) I have done the drama shit and don’t want to go back there, I have done the live with ya stuff and albeit nice I think right now I am too OCD to really do it again. But what I did realize was that my friends can be amazing if I would just let them be and tell them what I am feeling.
For example last night my buddy Anna and I had scheduled to go grab dinner/drinks – we met up and within 20 minutes of just telling her how I was feeling at work she talked me off the ledge and made the day seem not quite as bad. We hung out for about 2 hours and made a pact to one another that in the New Year we have scheduled biweekly appointments to do something. The sad thing is that we are both so busy that we actually had to send out a meeting maker through our work emails. What has my life turned into?
When I got home last night I did a little baking and went to bed. I got up around 4:20 this morning and started baking so that I could be done with many of the things that I needed to accomplish. By the time I went into work I had made about 14 dozen cookies. Work was fairly decent today still putting up with a lot of garbage but I am hoping that once all of the grades are in and the dust settles that starting January things will be back to normal. At least that is going to be one of my goals.
My biggest goal has to be getting back in the swing of a regular workout routine. One of the ways that I think I am going to be able to accomplish this is by purchasing my own elliptical machine. I found one at Sams club and I am pretty sure that bad boy will be taking up residency in my spare room no later than January 15.
Ok well I just finished the cookies for this week – I will probably start baking again on either Friday or Sunday (Saturday is already way too busy)! So like I said earlier I have made 56.5 dozen cookies and that is about 10 different kinds ranging from Spicy Mexican Hot Chocolate to a Boozy Eggnog to the plain Jane chocolate chip. I gave a package to Miechelle the sport admin that I report to and she was super pumped about them and was debating whether or not she was going to take them home to share with her hubby or just leave them in her office! I provided a solution of just taking him home some in a ziplock!
I have to work tomorrow and then 1 meeting on Friday – this scrooge needs to be visited by a ghost or something before the weekend gets here! Hope you are all getting your holiday shit together!